How Chicago Saved Me

Today I spent a blissful day walking around Chicago. The weather was perfect, and I took full advantage of that to do some things that I hadn't done yet and to enjoy some of my favorite things in the city. It's beginning to set in that I'm about to leave my adopted home, and I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss it. So while I'm feeling nostalgic, I thought I would take the opportunity to write about what brought me here.

As the title of this blog says....Chicago saved me.

Not to be dramatic, but before I moved here to begin grad school--I felt like I was drowning. I knew what I wanted to do with my life career wise, but getting to that point seemed almost impossible. I loved my job as a nanny, but even when you enjoy your day to day you long for the stability and certainty that comes with a career. My family and friends were (and are!) wonderful and supportive, but my frustration with my life weighed on me.

On top of feeling stuck, there was a frustration of feeling like more often than not I was alone. I was in a different place than everyone I knew in Nashville. While all of my friends were getting married and having babies and being "grown ups", I felt stuck and different. There were times when the loneliness was so deafening that I thought I would never escape it. I spent so many nights feeling sad and questioning why my life had turned out so different from everyone else. Writing this now, I feel like I was just throwing myself a huge pity party all of the time. I did love many aspects of my life, but I knew that if I stayed in Nashville my life would never move forward.

I still remember the night that I first thought about the possibility of Chicago. It was the Fourth of July, 2010. I was at the fireworks show in Mt. Juliet with my sister and my cousins, Grant and Olivia. I can't remember what was said, but somehow the topic of Chicago came up. I spent the entire fireworks show thinking about the possibilities, went home that night, and began doing some research. About two months later, I had decided that one way or another I was going to move to Chicago.

This is going to sound so cliché and funny now, but here it goes. As most people who know me can attest--I'm not the biggest fan of country music. There are some artists that I don't mind, but on the whole...it's just not my thing. However, one of the things I remember vividly about the week before I moved is driving alone and listening to the Rascal Flatts song, "I'm Moving On" and bawling my eyes out. It was exactly how I felt about leaving Nashville. Every. Single. Line. I felt such a peace about getting out and leaving all of the sadness and mistakes behind me. It makes me laugh now, but at the time it was DEEP!

In August 2011, I moved to Chicago. I was scared and nervous and so unsure about what I had done. The last few days in Nashville were a whirlwind of emotion. I remember the plane taking off from the airport in Nashville and flying over my church. I stared at the window and cried and cried. I have never been more scared or excited or relieved or unsure all at the same time before or since that moment. Over the past 3 years, I have grown and changed in ways that I never could have in Nashville. I have grown in my faith in ways that were unimaginable then. I have learned to love and accept the chapter of life that I'm in now, and take advantage of all of the perks that come along with it. Chicago saved me. When I say that, I don't mean the city--I mean the entire experience. It saved me. It brought me back to the land of the living. It gave me a purpose outside of feeling sorry for myself. It made me look BEYOND myself. It brought back my sense of compassion and justice and wanting to help others. It made me strong. It made me hope and dream again. It made me realize that when my faith and trust are in the right place, I truly can accomplish great things. This experience wasn't about me. It was about God working through me, and most importantly, IN me.

I'm so happy about moving back to Nashville. I'm nervous too, but I feel like I'm taking all sorts of things back with me. It's become my mantra of sorts, but I know that if God has opened all of the doors this far...I know He'll continue to open them. I feel such a peace about my decision. I feel just like I did about moving to Chicago--driven. I know that God has plans for me there and I can't wait to see how they will unfold.

I did it!

I graduated! Last week, I walked across the stage of the Auditorium Theatre at Roosevelt and earned my Master of Arts degree in School Counseling. I am still recovering from the shock that grad school is over. I'm finishing up my internship hours this month and finishing up my job at Roosevelt in the next two months. I don't think it's really sunk in yet that this is it...that in less than two months I will be living back in Nashville.

I had a digital interview (so interesting) with MNPS a few weeks ago. I know that with the end of the school year, many schools aren't ready to move forward in the hiring process. Even though I know that, I am so anxious to hear SOMETHING. I'm considering applying to the Williamson County School system as well, just in case. But my heart really wants to work with kids in a low income school setting. I'm trying to just hand my worries and my anxiety over to God and trust that He will continue to take care of me.

The unexpected part of this whole "ending" process is how nervous I am about moving back to Nashville. I really have formed a life here--and I'm uprooting it again. I have no doubts that I'm doing the right thing, but I am nervous. I have no idea where my place will be when I'm home. How will I really fit in on a daily basis. I have amazing friends in Nashville, but their lives have moved on just like mine. They are used to me coming in for quick visits, not permanently being there. What will those friendships look like? What will my relationship with my family look like? Once again, when those anxieties start creeping in...I just have to hand them over.

Thank you isn't a strong enough sentiment to say to everyone who has loved me, supported me, and prayed over me these past 3 years. I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it otherwise. I'm so grateful for my Chicago experience. I'm truly going to miss this city and the people that I call my friends here.

3 more months!

Can you believe it? I know I can't! Three more months until I graduate. Wow. So far, this semester is flying by. I'm trying to make the most out of my time here. I want to make sure that I spend some quality time with the friends that I've made here. If only Chicago would decide to warm up a little and STOP SNOWING so that I could enjoy the city a little more. I'm really looking forward to springtime so that I can spend some time out in this amazing city. I just hate the snow. Like, really truly HATE the snow.

My internship has been amazing so far. My supervisor is so wonderful and has taught me so much. She has given me the opportunity to start running my own groups and doing my own classroom guidance. I really appreciate all that she is teaching me. My kids are wonderful too. It really has solidified for me that I want to work with middle school kids. I love talking with them about high school readiness and career exploration. Some of the things I've learned about some of my kids are really hard. It makes me so sad to learn about the environments that many of them come from. I just want to protect them from the world.

As of now, I'll be moving home sometime between June 1 and July 1. I've really loved Chicago and there is so much about this city that I will miss. Just not the snow.

It's finally here!

I finally start my internship this week! I cannot wait! Chicago Public Schools start classes tomorrow and my first day on the job will be Tuesday. I had really hoped to be able to get over to the school over the summer, but my other job has just been crazy.

Work is going well, just super busy. I know that as soon as my internship starts I'm going to have to get really good at juggling everything. I don't always do that real well. When I commit to something, I don't like doing it halfway. Hopefully I can do my internship, job, and classes all to the best of my ability. Here's hoping anyway.

On a sad note, I've started to realize that I probably won't get to go back to Nashville until Christmas time. I keep trying to remind myself that I will be home for good this time next year. I have been pretty homesick lately. So much seems to be going on with my family and friends and I hate missing out on things. On the flip side, I'm trying to soak up as much of Chicago as I can. I do love this city so much! I know I will miss it and the friends that I have made once I'm gone.

Frustration

I'm finding myself to be extremely restless tonight. I feel like I've been so impatient to get to this point in school, and now I just want to speed through it. My head and my heart are already a year down the road. I know that this next year will be invaluable as far as my career goes. Maybe by the time school starts and I'm actually in my internship I'll feel differently. Tonight though, my head is filled with big plans, dreams, and excitement. And not completely focused homework... :-)

My final year!

This long abandoned blog...oh my. Bless any of you still looking at it!

Well, it's finally here! I will begin my third and final year of graduate school in just a few weeks. My summer has been filled with classes, practicum, work, and training. This has been a far cry from my restful summer last year! I have taken 2 classes this summer. The first one is my class that goes along with my practicum. Practicum is really just a short version of my internship that I will do next year. Ideally, I would have done my practicum at the end of the school year at the school where I will be doing my internship. However, my supervisor there had a baby in April and took maternity leave for the remainder of the school year. I wasn't sure that I would even be able to do any of my practicum this summer, and my advisor assured me that it would be fine. In June I applied for a counseling intern position with a summer acceleration program in CPS. The program is for students who have aged out of 8th grade and have to either pass the program and move on to high school or go to alternative school. Many of these students have behavioral issues, so my first couple of weeks were incredibly difficult. Thankfully, it's gotten much better and I feel like I've really formed good relationships with many of them!

My second class ends in two weeks. It's a Human Development course where I have to teach a chapter and make a Lifespan Portfolio of an adult over the age of 65. Not too bad really. In the middle of all of this, I've moved twice, done a summer project job, and started training for my new residence life position. It's been somewhat of a whirlwind!

I've decided that I will be moving back to Nashville once I graduate and finish my job here. I've spent a lot of time praying about this and trying to be rational. CPS has cut close to 2,000 jobs over the summer and closed more than 50 schools. I could stay and "hope" to find a job, move to the suburbs, or look elsewhere. The first option just doesn't seem very probable. The second option is just not appealing to me. As for the third...I feel like Nashville has a popultion that I would love to work with. Plus, I truly miss my family and my friends. I have some things I would love to do and accomplish, and having that solid support system is a neccesity.

So, I'm down to my final 15 credits! 3 actual classes and two semesters of internship. Graduation is scheduled for May 2nd. I cannot wait to walk across that stage and get my diploma!

Loving This

Where can I even start? I have absolutely loved this year. Don't get me wrong, last year was great. But this year I feel like I actually have a life here!

I love my church here so much! I missed hearing Pastor Jon speak and the energy/excitement my church has about ministering to the city. My small group leaders moved back to Austrailia and I miss them a lot. I'm hoping to get plugged into a new small group soon.

My classes are incredible. All of my classes are very hands on and practical. I will be applying for my practicum in December which seems unreal. I have some wonderful friends in my classes and I'm so glad that we are experiencing this together. My practicum will be this summer followed by my two semester internship. Then...graduation!!!! Yay!

The RA life is never dull, and I have made some great friends. Most of them are traditonal undergrad students, but there is one undergrad student in his 40's and one other grad student who is a couple of years older than me. For the most part though, I've become the "momma" to the group. I have really come to love these guys. We've been together everyday for the past 6 weeks and have become a sort of family.

Again, I'm surprised at how sheltered my life has been up to this point. I have experienced more and gotten a bigger picture of the "real world" in the past few weeks than I have in my whole life. I've been challenged more than ever and really seen the importance of unfailing love and support. I'm hoping that these experiences will not only make me a better school counselor, but a better person.

I'm heading home on Tuesday afternoon for the arrival of Carrie's daughter, Piper Lynn. I could not be more excited! It's also going to be nice to just be home for a few days. I've really been missing my family and friends the past few days. That's one thing that I don't think will ever change. As much as I love this city and the life I've made here, I still wish I could combine Chicago and Nashville.